Bar Fight #3

This is a continuation from:  https://starandlotus.wordpress.com/2017/05/15/bar-fight-2/

Well, the guy and his girlfriend got arrested and taken away by the police.  I had slowly realized that I really should get medical treatment.  My friend offered to drive me to the hospital.

It’s a little hazy, but I remember it being a really late night.  I did get seen and stitched up.  I don’t remember if they took a x-ray, but I learned that my eye socket, cheek bone, and nose had been broken.  It was actually a pretty dangerous thing with the eye, I could have easily been blinded or have other permanent damage in that eye, I was lucky.  They also diagnosed a concussion because of the memory loss.  Overall, it really hammered home the seriousness.  Guys like to be macho about a fist fight, but it can have pretty permanent consequences very easily.

While I was being seen, my poor friend who had been driving me around after a night a partying passed out.  The hospital staff gave her an IV and she came to, but then they slapped her with a couple hundred dollar bill, I don’t think she had insurance.  I paid for it, she had been so nice to me.  Something also you don’t think about, the military healthcare took care of everything for me, but my friend would have been up screwed if something happened to her.

Eventually we got patched up and sent home.

 

-Dmitri

 

Reconnecting

Is it possible to reconnect with an old romantic partner and start a relationship again?  If things ended for reasons that were now irrelevant (timing was wrong), and it’s still possible that you can give each other what you want, then I don’t see why it would be a bad idea to try to reconnect.  Assuming feelings weren’t hurt too bad in the first place, of course.

Obviously you already know each other intimately, so there is a level of comfort.  But something I’ve been thinking about, what if there were some issues that maybe were swept under the rug during the relationship that didn’t come out because of trying to be sensitive to each others’ feelings.  You know how sometimes it’s hardest to tell a person something the more you care about them.  Well, if you are thinking about reconnecting with someone, wouldn’t that be an ideal time to hash out all differences, before you reconnected and became emotionally invested?

You shouldn’t go into a relationship thinking you’ll change someone but discussing and working through differences is still a requirement for any relationship.  I think an opportunity to have a frank talk shouldn’t be something to pass up.  It can a good final check to see if you really are right for each other or not.

~dmitri

Casual Dating

Who enjoys casual dating?  Maybe it’s something women like more than men?  I’ve never been a fan, my mindset has always been if I don’t see myself marrying the person then we’re just wasting time.  That might be a little harsh though.

That mindset tends to make you want to move quickly from one potential partner to the next.  Once you see a perceived flaw, then it’s time to cut the strings and move on.  You never give it a shot to allow things to develop.

It also cuts out on a lot of fun.  Maybe taking things slower and just focusing on having a good time together will actually turn out to be worthwhile.  Granted, you might perceive you’re distracting yourself from finding your soulmate, but then again you might find that the person you’re talking to will start to grow on you.

Just some musings as I try to step into the dating world again and just try to keep things casual.

-Dmitri

Vacations

Since starting work, I have never taken a vacation.  Sure, I’ve taken time off, usually to visit family over the holidays (which is honestly more work than work), but I’ve never actually taken a vacation just for me.  The most I’ve ever done was a four day weekend.  I’ve heard that you really need two weeks to disconnect from work and reset yourself.

Part of it is I’ve mostly been single, and traveling by yourself seems kind of lame.  Part of it is I’m pretty competitive at work and that just seems like too long of a time that I’ll miss something important.  And part of it is I generally like my work, I don’t particularly feel a strong desire to get away from it.

Still, I do feel burnt out from my life situation occasionally, and that I need a change of pace.  Not sure what to do though – it just seems silly to take a vacation by myself, and a large waste of money.  Honestly, that would seem to be the biggest thing to find a partner for – someone to share in adventures away from work.

~dmitri

Sobriety and Loneliness

As discussed elsewhere, I no longer drink alcohol.  While this has helped with some goals that are important to me (health and living frugally), it has led to loneliness at times.  I didn’t exactly quit alcohol under the best circumstances, and I don’t exactly feel secure around it.  I’m still committed to not drinking for now, because I don’t feel like it would be good for me to start again.  The biggest way I’ve found to avoid temptation is to just not be around it.  I don’t usually hang out in bars anymore, and I typically avoid a lot of situations that would have alcohol.

While there would seem to be plenty of social situations that don’t revolve around drinking, it still comes up enough where I feel isolated.  Sometimes I’m fine in a bar, getting dinner with a friend, but there are other times where if I’m around alcohol, like a party or a bunch of people hanging out at the pool drinking, I just get weirded out and have to leave.  In fact, I usually avoid those situations in the first place.  And if I have to participate in something, my brother’s recent bachelor party for instance, eventually I’ll withdraw into myself.  People are annoying.

Part of it was that my social life used to revolve around drinking.  And I still miss that partying lifestyle.  So I really don’t know what to do with myself socially without drinking.  While I’ve always been somewhat of an loner with my interests, this seems to take things too far.  Rather than try to engage with people in a potentially awkward-feeling social situation, I’d rather just play a video game or mess around on the computer by myself.  Obviously this has led to much less social interaction and a feeling of isolation.  Often times, I’m happier at work (which is a social situation not involving alcohol) than at home.

 

~Dmitri

Bar Fight #2

This is a continuation from here:  https://starandlotus.wordpress.com/2017/04/30/bar-fight-1/

I was stumbling around outside covered in blood.  Eventually I vaguely remember one of my friends coming up to me and asking me if I was alright.  I said yeah, I think so.  She relayed that apparently I had been decked by someone and the bouncers were taking care of it.  I was out of it, I said I think I’m going to go home.

Somehow I got back into my car and drove all the way back to my place.  When I got home I went into the bathroom and realized that I am fucked up.  My face is pretty smashed in, my eye is swollen and I have a hole punched through my lower lip.  Super groggy, my phone suddenly rings.  It was my friend, she said the police were at the bar arresting the guy who hit me, and that they needed to talk to me.  I didn’t think I could do anything, so she offered to pick me up and drive me back to the bar.

When I got there, I relayed what I remembered about talking to the girl and then coming to outside.  The rest of the story I got was that I was talking to her and this guy (apparently her boyfriend) just walked up and clocked me from the side.  Then when I fell to the ground, he got on top of me and started pummeling my face.  Another of my friends saw him and pushed him off of me then called for the bouncers who detained him.  At some point I came to and walked outside.

Apparently the girl was underage, was very drunk, and got arrested also for mouthing off to the cops.  The guy was just some drunk guy in his early 20s.

to be continued…

 

 

Different Religions in Relationship

Recently I noticed a girl I liked converted to Catholicism.  It was a bit of shock, she had been into philosophy and eastern religions, like me, which had been one of the big reasons I was attracted to her.  I don’t know what prompted the change, certainly being a member of a major religion has a lot of benefits in providing a sense of community and purpose.  Regardless, it is what it is.  It got me thinking though.

Whenever I do online dating I pretty much list my religion as other, or spiritual and not religious, which I think is an accurate description.  There is certainly a fair number of people who match that where I live, but also a ton who don’t so how big of a difference is that?  Can a relationship work between two people with different religions?  I think it’s hard but I might be willing to try.

In theory, if both partners were respectful of each other’s beliefs then it should be workable, right?  In practice though, that is simpler said than done.  There would be little irritations initially (differences in habits, worldviews, preferences) that would grow into major issues down the road (major differences on politics, healthcare choices, religion of kids).

For me personally, I’m pretty into science and openness.  So depending on how far someone took a religious conviction (denying generally accepted scientific principles, etc.), or start asserting their religious convictions on other people, those would be huge turn-offs for me.

~Dmitri

Bar Fight #1

Well not really, but this is a good story of learning life lessons “the hard way”.

I was in my mid-20s, and living in a small city in middle America.  I started going to something of goth/industrial club with a group of friends, surprisingly it turned out to be pretty fun.  You could just do whatever you wanted on the dance floor, goths really are the nicest people.  And besides, the normal club scene get’s boring after a while, and a more “alternative” crowd is nice to spice things up.

So I had been going to this club for about a year with friends.  It was always a pretty chill, typically no drama kind of a place.  The club actually only had the goth night one night a week, other nights it was hip hop or house music.  Apparently the hip hop night could get rowdy, but never the goth night.  Emo kids don’t cause trouble, right?

One day turned out a little different.  It started typical, I had a few drinks and hit the dance floor, some of my friends were there, including another military officer.  Overall it was a pretty good time.  Then, towards the end of the night, I noticed a fairly attractive girl looking at me.  As it was a club, I walked up to her.  I can remember her asking me if I had a drink in a kind of flirty way.  It was after last call so I replied that if I had a drink, I would have drank it by then.  The next thing I remember, I’m stumbling around outside the venue with blood running down my face and chest.

~Dmitri

 

 

 

 

continued here: https://starandlotus.wordpress.com/2017/05/15/bar-fight-2/

 

First Date

Ah, the first date.  Always a fun, awkward time.  So many decisions, what to wear? where to go? kiss or no kiss?  I just recently got back from one that went alright.  She was a premier league fan, so I rode my motorcycle to meet her at a pub to watch a match together.  Figured I’d ride the bike with a tank top on under my jacket to show off the tattoos, since we’d both exchange that we liked each other’s tattoo’s.  She was riding her road bike there, so figured it would be low key.

We had a pretty good conversation during the game, then afterwards went for a walk through some of the touristy area of town.  She’s definitely pretty unique, and I enjoyed her company.  Eventually we started holding hands.  It’s weird that something that simple could have an element of excitement to it after all this time.  Eventually we separated and I gave her a goodbye kiss (I usually always go for it).

We had met through online dating, and I find low key first dates seem to work best for that, usually with some activity that allows for talking but takes the pressure off.  You really don’t know what someone is like until you meet them in person.  Doing something like dinner really locks you in to a long awkward conversation if things go south.  It would be different obviously if you had met them already.  Some of the first dates that I’ve enjoyed the most have been meeting up for hookah, and going to the aquarium.  Not a fan of dinner and a movie.

We’ll see how this one goes…

~Dmitri

Settling

So when is “good enough” enough to give up on perfect?   Living in a major metropolitan area is a psychological trap for finding a romantic partner.  Sure there are plenty of options, but there always appears to be a better option than who you are currently with.  As a result, it is hard to make the leap of faith and commit.

The article at this link: http://ideas.ted.com/when-should-you-settle-down/

does an interesting job of attempting to mathematically quantify the problem (using something known as “optimal stopping theory”) to give you the best chance of when you should settle.  An interesting approach, although I doubt real humans would have the self-discipline to use a mathematical formula when it comes to love.

The problem is definitely a little different between men and women.  Obviously both enjoy love and companionship.  However, while women’s options seem to shrink with age, some of the characteristics that make men more attractive tend to increase with age (such as achievement, financial security, social standing, confidence, etc.).  So a man might very well be better served just to delay commitment, with the thought that he will achieve higher levels of attractiveness later in life.

But this can be a bit misleading though.  Ultimately, you are still alone while waiting.  And there is no guarantee you will reach higher levels of attractiveness, or that when you do, you will actually be happier with a so called “attractive partner” than who you could have ended up with if you committed earlier in life.  In other words, there is no guarantee that the “perfect partner” you’ve been chasing all your life will actually work out better for you than someone you could have settled for much earlier.

~dmitri