Shallow

Frustrated with myself lately.

I’m very shallow and I don’t like it.  I am a man, and realize this is not that unheard of, but I do wonder what it would be like to just not care at all about what my partner looks like.  I suspect I would end up dating much more genuine, good human beings.  I probably would be happily married by now.

There are some things that perhaps predispose myself to focus on looks.  On the myers-briggs scale I’m an ENTP which supposedly means I’m hard to satisfy.  I’ve also lived in some major metropolitan areas that have a reputation for focusing on looks (SoCal).  Lastly, I’ve done online dating which can be something of a meat market just sorting through pictures.  Some part of it has to be tied to a pride thing – that I’ll only settle for a pretty wife that will make other men jealous.

Not just talking about being healthy either.  I think it is valid to discriminate on healthiness, overweight/obesity etc.  That’s generally in someone’s control.  What I’m talking about is purely cosmetic looks.  Big boobs, makeup, heels, a pretty face, etc.

The implications of this have become worrisome to me.  At the moment I’m dating a nice girl who is legitimately beautiful.  However, occasionally this nagging thought of “man, wish she would get a boob job” will pop up and all I keep thinking about is how to bring it up.  It’s ridiculous.  She actually has nice, normal breasts.  I’m not sure what I would need to do to get it off my mind, maybe move to an area where plastic surgery is less common.  Also, less porn probably would help.

How is this going to play out as I age?  Will I be the creepy old man hitting on the 20-somethings?  I hope not.  Will I pressure my wife to get plastic surgery?  I also hope not.

Any thoughts on this?

~Dmitri

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2 thoughts on “Shallow

  1. Yeah I think this can become a problem over time, and you should definitely work on it from now. I think there are shallow parts in all of us, but you will find that as you begin to love someone, you will no longer see their flaws and the things you wish to change about them. To be honest, their body will become a very insignificant part to their character. Obviously you need to be attracted to the person you’re with, so if you’re not then that isn’t good. But minute details like her book size, well, I would definitely not say anything to her if I were you. She will grow insecure and self conscious, and no woman wants to feel that way with the man she admires. Less porn would also be a good way to go. But just remember that she is human and so are you. And she is not looking at you and wishing you looked like something else.

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