So I have a new girlfriend. She’s a little older, great girlfriend skills (including in bed!), pretty, and fun. No outstanding red flags so far (been about a month). Overall just an outstanding girlfriend. But something feels missing.
I have always had this horrible problem that if I get an inkling that someone isn’t marriage material I just end it – I never let things grow and hold girls to an unrealistic standard of perfection. Probably tied to a fear of vulnerability or whatever. Still there is somethings that seem to give me pause. Overall she is just supportive, doesn’t really seem to have much ambition on her own. This is kind of a turn-off for me but I also don’t really know what else to expect given my career and the demands it has. She does have a legitimate job requiring a college degree. Also, her age means that if we want to have kids (which I do and she seems to be on board with) we pretty much would need to start soon. Ideally I’d like to enjoy couple’s life for awhile before crossing that bridge.
Despite these things, I’m sticking with her for now. I’m just trying to enjoy it and be sincere. It has prompted a lot of self-reflection, and I realize I’m pretty immature with my relationship knowledge, so it is a growth opportunity for me (which I’m all about!).
We’ll see how things evolve. I do feel some slight guilt in that I think she is taking me more seriously than I am her. She does deserve someone who will treat her right and if she wants to have kids, she can’t be wasting her time. As long as I can sincerely say I’m open to a serious relationship with her, than I’ll keep going. I miss her when she isn’t around, but I think it’s from my own self-interest than genuine love, which bothers me.