Alcoholism #4

This continues my story with alcoholism.  Past posts here:

While all of this was going on, my work was still going well.  The commander of my unit selected me for a competitive job to handle all the personnel issues, basically having delegated command authority.  It was a position of trust and responsibility that I was surprised by, but my commander thought that my experiences with drinking would give me a good perspective on discipline issues.

I tried really hard in the job.  I wanted to make my commander proud, but I felt like a fraud due to my shame over my history.  About this time I had learned that one of my friends, who had been an outstanding officer, had gotten a DUI off a few beers the year prior.  He ended up passed over for promotion and forced out of the military because of it.  It was a weird situation, but my guilt grew with the sense that I was lucky and no less guilty than he was.

One day, my commander stopped me as he was leaving for the day.  He told me that I just needed to be happier, I was a leader and people looked up to me.  This really struck me.  I had always thought I was a happy person.  I was always the energetic one, seeing the bright side of things, or so I thought.  Was I really a grouch at work?  This didn’t sit well with me.

Soon afterwards, I took leave to visit my brother, another bachelor officer.  We had a great time, partying it up.  I just drank with abandon, feeling in a safe place.  Finally it came time to fly home.  Even that I drank for, there was still football to watch!  I remember drinking in a wine bar during the layover.

Finally I got home.  I started to think about what a great weekend I just had.  But then I realized I couldn’t really remember any of it.  It was just a blurry haze.  That was my vacation, that was what I was striving for?  Suddenly I was struck.  No.  This can’t be me.

Not any more.



Continued here:                 



4 thoughts on “Alcoholism #4

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