Holding Back in Relationships

I’ve been musing on how dating all too often seems to devolve into something of a power struggle.  People attempt to hold back, and indeed being less needy – being the pursued as opposed to the pursuer is a better position.  Generally the one who is holding back is perceived as more attractive by their partner, and has the power in the relationship.  The pursuer can be taken for granted.

The excellent relationship blog Hooking Up Smart (focuses on finding relationships in today’s hookup culture), talks a bit about this, advising women never to give 100% of themselves, even in marriage.  That make senses, no one likes a pushover, although it does seem to shatter the notion of romance a bit.  Is a Romeo and Juliet scenario sustainable, where both lovers are so committed they are willing to die for each other?  #relationshipgoals

So, does it make sense to hold on to some secrets, maintain an air of mystery, and push back on your partner even if you don’t really want to?  Maybe creating some drama is good, to spice things up occasionally?  A fine balancing act to be sure.  It’s not trying to get the upper hand in a relationship, but rather giving your partner what they want.  A challenge.




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