Moving on from love

So, what is the best way to move on from a failed relationship?  You’d think I’d have lots of practice at this, but I still seem to have a difficult time about it.  Once I let someone in, it seems hard to push them back out.

So assuming a relatively amicable breakup (one party just thought it wasn’t going to work), how do you best move on with your life?

Couple of options:

Do you stay friends or in contact with the person or cut them off completely?  So being honest, it seems like the only reason you would stay in contact would be if you were secretly hoping to reconnect or get something from them (like sex).  It’s just foreign to me that I could go back to being normal friends with someone I was intimate with.  Maybe after a long long break and somehow I’m no longer attracted to the person at all it could work, but that seems like the only way.  Cutting off completely seems very heartless though, especially if the other person is hurting too.  But maybe it’s for the best.

Next, how long do you wait before you start dating again?  I’ve tried dating right away, in the hopes that I would meet someone who will make me forget about my ex.  But that seems to carry with it the potential to hurt someone, especially if you are not over your ex.  If you are blatantly just using someone for a rebound without any intention of making it serious that could be seen as deliberately hurtful.  Are there triggers to know when you are suitably over someone?  After all, it’s probably not strictly a time thing, every relationship and person is different.

And what do you do with yourself in the interim?  Seems like activities with friends are best.  I don’t drink, but that seems to be a common option.  I find that I bury myself in a videogame or work seems to be pretty effective just to eat up my time.  That seems just like avoidance though, shouldn’t there be a better way?

 

~Dmitri

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