If you are intelligent, do you need an intelligent partner to be happy? There is certainly a lot of research out there that shows intelligence isn’t positively correlated with romantic success, so intelligence isn’t necessarily attractive in of itself. However, if you are an intelligent person already, are you more attracted to intelligent people? And on the flip side, does that make it harder to find partners attractive to you?
The answer from my own experience is yes. While I have certainly dated people from all walks of life, if I can’t connect with someone on an intellectual level (or they regularly exhibit sub-par intelligence) then it’s just a huge turn-off. This might be because we have less interests in common, or maybe it’s just because smart people want to have smart babies and the chances of that go down with a dumb partner. Regardless, this preference seems to narrow down the pool of potential romantic partners I’m compatible with.
So what to do about this? Getting over it is hard, it’s pretty difficult to force yourself to be attracted to someone. Who wants to feel like they’re settling? Better targeting dating seems to be the way to go, although it’s hard to judge intelligence just based on a profile. You can always filter by education, but that seems overly specific. I really don’t care if you went to a good school, just that we can have a good conversation. Something I never really tried is to go to physical locations that would attract smarter people. Museums need to have a singles night.
And for the record, I don’t mean to sound pretentious in this post – I certainly do my fair share of stupid things, but by most objective (education, career) and subjective (intellectual interests) measures I’m on the “smarter” side of the population spectrum.