Well not really, but this is a good story of learning life lessons “the hard way”.
I was in my mid-20s, and living in a small city in middle America. I started going to something of goth/industrial club with a group of friends, surprisingly it turned out to be pretty fun. You could just do whatever you wanted on the dance floor, goths really are the nicest people. And besides, the normal club scene get’s boring after a while, and a more “alternative” crowd is nice to spice things up.
So I had been going to this club for about a year with friends. It was always a pretty chill, typically no drama kind of a place. The club actually only had the goth night one night a week, other nights it was hip hop or house music. Apparently the hip hop night could get rowdy, but never the goth night. Emo kids don’t cause trouble, right?
One day turned out a little different. It started typical, I had a few drinks and hit the dance floor, some of my friends were there, including another military officer. Overall it was a pretty good time. Then, towards the end of the night, I noticed a fairly attractive girl looking at me. As it was a club, I walked up to her. I can remember her asking me if I had a drink in a kind of flirty way. It was after last call so I replied that if I had a drink, I would have drank it by then. The next thing I remember, I’m stumbling around outside the venue with blood running down my face and chest.
continued here: https://starandlotus.wordpress.com/2017/05/15/bar-fight-2/
Ah, the first date. Always a fun, awkward time. So many decisions, what to wear? where to go? kiss or no kiss? I just recently got back from one that went alright. She was a premier league fan, so I rode my motorcycle to meet her at a pub to watch a match together. Figured I’d ride the bike with a tank top on under my jacket to show off the tattoos, since we’d both exchange that we liked each other’s tattoo’s. She was riding her road bike there, so figured it would be low key.
We had a pretty good conversation during the game, then afterwards went for a walk through some of the touristy area of town. She’s definitely pretty unique, and I enjoyed her company. Eventually we started holding hands. It’s weird that something that simple could have an element of excitement to it after all this time. Eventually we separated and I gave her a goodbye kiss (I usually always go for it).
We had met through online dating, and I find low key first dates seem to work best for that, usually with some activity that allows for talking but takes the pressure off. You really don’t know what someone is like until you meet them in person. Doing something like dinner really locks you in to a long awkward conversation if things go south. It would be different obviously if you had met them already. Some of the first dates that I’ve enjoyed the most have been meeting up for hookah, and going to the aquarium. Not a fan of dinner and a movie.
We’ll see how this one goes…
So when is “good enough” enough to give up on perfect? Living in a major metropolitan area is a psychological trap for finding a romantic partner. Sure there are plenty of options, but there always appears to be a better option than who you are currently with. As a result, it is hard to make the leap of faith and commit.
The article at this link: http://ideas.ted.com/when-should-you-settle-down/
does an interesting job of attempting to mathematically quantify the problem (using something known as “optimal stopping theory”) to give you the best chance of when you should settle. An interesting approach, although I doubt real humans would have the self-discipline to use a mathematical formula when it comes to love.
The problem is definitely a little different between men and women. Obviously both enjoy love and companionship. However, while women’s options seem to shrink with age, some of the characteristics that make men more attractive tend to increase with age (such as achievement, financial security, social standing, confidence, etc.). So a man might very well be better served just to delay commitment, with the thought that he will achieve higher levels of attractiveness later in life.
But this can be a bit misleading though. Ultimately, you are still alone while waiting. And there is no guarantee you will reach higher levels of attractiveness, or that when you do, you will actually be happier with a so called “attractive partner” than who you could have ended up with if you committed earlier in life. In other words, there is no guarantee that the “perfect partner” you’ve been chasing all your life will actually work out better for you than someone you could have settled for much earlier.
So one of the higher-ups at work decided to host a hiking trip this weekend. It was starting early Sunday and up a mountain, with the total length being roughly 13.5 miles. This guy is also a marathon runner and noted mountaineer, so it was sure to be an aggressive pace. There weren’t too many takers, understandably. Now, I have no particular desire to walk that far, and I certainly don’t want to wake up that early, but something compelled me to sign up for it. Sure it will be a nice change of pace, but ugh.
I suspect the main reason is one of my subordinates volunteered to go. Strangely that seemed to flip my hesitation 180 and set my mind to go, at least to prove myself. It’s weird how that could suddenly change my mind that quickly.
It’s striking how guys can so easily fall prey to trying to be macho. It could be anything from buying a status symbol that isn’t really needed, to doing some activity you really don’t want to do, all in the name of appearing manly. In fact, if you can convince a guy his manhood is threatened, you probably can get him to do anything.